Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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