Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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