Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
