I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
