I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
