Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
