vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize