i wish there were pregnant emoticons
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
