What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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