You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
