The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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