okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
