birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
