I think scott just propositioned me for sex
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
