Im at strip club and am horny
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
