Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
