Can Purell be used as lube?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
