i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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