with your own penis?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
