the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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