I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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