I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
