I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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