I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
