If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
