based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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