our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
