i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
