yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
