Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
