I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
