so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
