He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
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