I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
