i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize