The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Less talking, more tequila
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
