Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
