Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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