Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
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