One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
