he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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