hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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