i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
