I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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