Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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