forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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