the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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