She is in my trunk
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
