he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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