I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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