the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
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I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
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Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise