You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
