Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
