Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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