I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
