My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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