U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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