I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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