I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
