Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
