I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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