We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
