The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
