i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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