what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
